Day 4: Walk>Stand

The last few months had been a roller coaster; everything that could have possibly gone wrong, went wrong. My Life chose to take itself to the edge of a cliff, and it chose to jump off — for reasons that I am still trying to figure out.

But nevertheless, my Life did just that, it jumped. And I, I drowned myself in Self-Pity and Misery.

You see, I have met with these two characters before, Self-Pity and Misery, and I have been able to overcome them in the past. To lose them way far back in my tracks. But this time, this time I couldn’t shake them off — no matter how badly I tried! They just always caught back up to me. So I accepted them into my Life and I allowed them to take over. I allowed them in in ways that I had never fathomed, but here they were, taking over, in such a way that I lost myself within them….and I let them.

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Walk > Stand

In being idle in their harmony I realized that I had a choice: I can either choose to stand with them or walk against them.

So I walked.

I walked through those glass doors of head office. I walked through the hallway. And I walked through the office until I found myself seated in an empty room with Him.

And although my steps had been carefully troded, I still was unsure of myself; I still had not been able to summon that voice of mine from within although she had already escaped.

I just knew that all summer the lingering thought of going back to work had destroyed me. I don’t know what it was. Maybe it was a combination of things? Maybe it was the fact that my personal life was crapping all over itself; Maybe it was the fact that I was turning thirty; Maybe it was the fact I always longed to be a writer. I just knew that I couldn’t do this anymore. I just knew that I had to jump off that cliff and catch up with Life.

So I resigned, point blank; and even as those words were coming out of my mouth, I still wasn’t sure. But I did it. I released myself of the first stress of my Life. I just knew that this job wasn’t what I wanted to do anymore, and even as I think about that statement now months later, I still am not sure. But what I do know is this: If I was going to fail at life, this was the time to do it.

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